What passing bells for those who quit when mothers;
Only the lolly-pop lady's relentless drivel...
I'm sure that is really bad taste but I will finish it. It has potential. (I think)
So. I'm about to write my resignation letter. Wish me luck.
It will have been 20 years less 1 week and no one has battered an eyelid. Except for me...
20 years, half my life. Apart from a few dreadful lows, probably the best part.
I gained my Independence, my degree. My Katie-pie, My husband, Benjamin Bunny and Charlie Bear.
Became a chartered Engineer and managed to get my foot well and truly on the property ladder.
Almost as importantly though, I've thoroughly enjoyed it. I have been ME. Primarily Nicola Lawty, (spent my Houghton years on Maternity leave, though you have to start again when you get married. Any reputation you have disappears as no one make the connection.)
I know that I am doing the right thing, and I know that I will enjoy it. I can't imagine packing the youngest off to nursery like I was forced to do with Katie. That was devastating. Paying someone else to do what I wanted to do most in the world. It's awful trying to balance a young family and work. Constantly clock watching. Knowing that you are a failure at both, never being able to attend the assemblies OR work late, dreading every cough or sneeze, guiltly sending your child in to nursery unwell as you can't miss that important meeting yet not being able to concentrate for worry. Trying to pack the house work, shopping and all your weeks love in to two short days.
I know it's the right thing, I know I'm lucky to be ABLE to do it, I suppose I just want someone to acknowledge how hard it is to give up half your life...
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2 comments:
Oh Nic! I feel for you , it's so hard to do what you're doing. I hope you think of your work having been a vehicle for your life over the last 20 years. It hasn't been your life. A vehicle that as you acknowledge, has allowed you to be yourself, gain your independence and do lots of things. The thing about vehicles is though, that they get old. like our wonderful old car, your vehicle is in danger of losing the power to allow you to develop further in your life. some vehicles explode, leaving one on the roadside, yours I suspect needs new wheels and a clutch replacement. If you carry on in it you'll find youre not going anywhere in life and every day will be the same. Well Nic you only have one life as it took me some time to work out. Write the resignation with all the feelings that you have. It will be a wrench. you may feel regret. BUT you will be doing the right thing. Move on with your life, even if you don't see another gleaming vehicle right now look to the future. I (we) love you. youre doing great!
well done Nicky, I stand to give you a round of applause. You should be ver ver proud of yourself.
God bless you all with your new stage of life...
lots of love from us, Paula, Paul, Ella and Devon
xxxxxxxxx
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